The Activation and Restoration of Shame in an Intimate Relationship: A First-Hand Account of Self-Injury

Authors

DOI:

https://doi.org/10.18778/1733-8077.17.2.06

Keywords:

Self-Injury, Shame, Social Bonds, Critical Other, First-Person Account

Abstract

This paper is grounded in a first-hand account of my own experiences with self-injury and shame. By using my personal diary entries as support for this account and a sociological framework of shame, I explore the process of shame and shame reactions in an intimate relationship. I illustrate how shame was activated by my internalized critical other, how the shame cycle de-stabilized my relationship, and, finally, how shame was restored through the other’s validation and acceptance, or how it led to more shame managed by self-injury. However, this account is not simply about self-analysis, or a need to indulge in my pain; rather, it is an inner dialogue that rests on the commitment to develop a richer understanding of the personal and interpersonal experiences of self-injury and shame. Today, I finally understand how shame works and this has helped me to not get caught up in my emotions. So, although shame may take a hold of me at times, I am no longer, like before, controlled by my shame.

Downloads

Download data is not yet available.

Author Biography

Nina Veetnisha Gunnarsson, University of Jönköping, Sweden

Nina Veetnisha Gunnarsson is an Assistant Professor at the University of Jönköping, School of Health and Welfare, Department of Social Work, Sweden. Her research interest focuses on self-injury, particularly its connection with shame and social interaction. She has previously published two articles on self-injury: “The Self-Perpetuating Cycle of Shame and Self-Injury” and “The Scarred Body: A Personal Reflection of Self-Injury Scars.”

References

Adler, Patricia A. and Peter Adler. 2011. The Tender Cut. Inside the Hidden World of Self-Injury. New York: NYU Press.
Google Scholar

Anderson, Leon. 2006. “Analytic Autoethnography.” Journal of Contemporary Ethnography 35(4):373-395.
Google Scholar DOI: https://doi.org/10.1177/0891241605280449

Atkinson, Paul. 1997. “Narrative Turn or Blind Alley?” Qualitative Health Research 7:325-344.
Google Scholar DOI: https://doi.org/10.1177/104973239700700302

Atkinson, Paul. 2006. “Rescuing Autoethnography.” Journal of Contemporary Ethnography 35(4):400-404.
Google Scholar DOI: https://doi.org/10.1177/0891241606286980

Bartky, Sandra Lee. 1990. Femininity and Domination. London: Routledge.
Google Scholar

Brossard, Baptiste. 2014. “Fighting with Oneself to Maintain the Interaction Order: A Sociological Approach to Self-Injury Daily Process.” Symbolic Interaction 37(4):558-575.
Google Scholar DOI: https://doi.org/10.1002/symb.118

Brossard, Baptiste. 2018. Why Do We Hurt Ourselves? Understanding Self-Harm in Social Life. Indianapolis, Bloomington: Indiana University Press.
Google Scholar DOI: https://doi.org/10.2307/j.ctv233px9

Church, Kathryn. 1995. Forbidden Narratives. Critical Autobiography as Social Science. London, New York: Routledge.
Google Scholar

Cooley, Charles H. 1902. Human Nature and the Social Order. New York: Charles Scribner’s Sons.
Google Scholar

Denzin, Norman. K. 1983. “A Note on Emotionality, Self, and Interaction.” American Journal of Sociology 89(2):402-409.
Google Scholar DOI: https://doi.org/10.1086/227871

Ellis, Carolyn. 1991. “Sociological Introspection and Emotional Experience.” Symbolic Interaction 14(1):23-50.
Google Scholar DOI: https://doi.org/10.1525/si.1991.14.1.23

Ellis, Carolyn, Tony. E. Adams, and Arthur P. Bochner. 2011. “Autoethnography: An Overview.” Historical Social Research 36(4):273-290.
Google Scholar

Favazza, Armando. 2011. Bodies under Siege. Self-Mutilation, Non-Suicidal Self-Injury, and Body Modification, 3rd ed. Baltimore, MD: The Johns Hopkins University Press.
Google Scholar

Fullagar, Simone. 2003. “Wasted Lives: The Social Dynamics of Shame and Youth Suicide.” Journal of Sociology 39(3):291-307.
Google Scholar DOI: https://doi.org/10.1177/0004869003035076

Gilbert, Paul et al. 2010. “Self-Harm in a Mixed Clinical Population: The Roles of Self-Criticism, Shame, and Social Rank.” British Journal of Clinical Psychology 49:563-576.
Google Scholar DOI: https://doi.org/10.1348/014466509X479771

Goffman, Erving. 1963. Stigma: Notes on the Management of Spoiled Identity. Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice Hall.
Google Scholar

Goffman, Erving. 1967. Interactional Ritual. Essays on Face-to-Face Behavior. New York: Pantheon Books.
Google Scholar

Gunnarsson, Nina Veetnisha. 2020. “The Self-Perpetuating Cycle of Shame and Self-Injury.” Humanity and Society. Retrieved February 17, 2021 https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/0160597620904475
Google Scholar

Harris, Jennifer. 2000. “Self-Harm: Cutting the Bad Out of Me.” Qualitative Health Research 10(2):164-173.
Google Scholar DOI: https://doi.org/10.1177/104973200129118345

Hill, Kerry and Rudi Dallos. 2011. “Young People’s Stories of Self-Harm: A Narrative Study.” Clinical Child Psychology and Psychiatry 17(3):459-475.
Google Scholar DOI: https://doi.org/10.1177/1359104511423364

Holt, Nicholas L. 2003. “Representation, Legitimation, and Autoethnography: An Autoethnographic Writing Story.” International Journal of Qualitative Methods 2(1):18-28.
Google Scholar DOI: https://doi.org/10.1177/160940690300200102

Hooks, Bell. 2000. All About Love. New Visions. New York: HarperCollins Publisher.
Google Scholar

Huey, Laura, Danielle Hryniewicz, and Georgios Fthenos. 2014. “‘I Had a Lot of Anger and That’s What Kind of Led Me to Cutting Myself’: Employing a Social Stress Framework to Explain Why Some Homeless Women Self-Injure.” Health Sociology Review 23(2):148-158.
Google Scholar DOI: https://doi.org/10.1080/14461242.2014.11081969

Ivanhoff, Andre, Marsha M. Linehan, and Milton Brown. 2001. “Dialectic Behavior Therapy for Impulsive Self-Injuries Behaviors.” Pp. 149-173 in Self-Injurious Behaviors: Assessment and Treatment, edited by S. Daphne and E. Hollander. Washington, DC: American Press.
Google Scholar

Jones, Ward E. 2012. “A Lover’s Shame.” Ethic Theory Moral Practice 15:615-630.
Google Scholar DOI: https://doi.org/10.1007/s10677-012-9356-5

Kettlewell, Caroline. 1999. Skin Game. A Memoir. New York: St. Martin’s Griffin.
Google Scholar

Le Breton, David. 2018. “Understanding Skin-Cutting in Adolescence: Sacrificing a Part to Save a Whole.” Body and Society. Special Issue: Skin Matters 24(1-2):33-54.
Google Scholar DOI: https://doi.org/10.1177/1357034X18760175

Leeming, Dawn and Mary Boyle. 2013. “Managing Shame. An Interpersonal Perspective.” British Journal of Social Psychology 52(1):140-160.
Google Scholar DOI: https://doi.org/10.1111/j.2044-8309.2011.02061.x

Lewis, Helen. 1971. Shame and Guilt in Neurosis. New York: IUP.
Google Scholar

Long, Maggie. 2018. “‘We’re Not Monsters ... We’re Just Really Sad Sometimes’: Hidden Self-Injury, Stigma and Help-Seeking.” Health Sociology Review 27(1):89-103.
Google Scholar DOI: https://doi.org/10.1080/14461242.2017.1375862

Lundgren, David C. 2004. “Social Feedback and Self-Appraisals: Current Status of the Mead-Cooley Hypothesis.” Symbolic Interaction 27(2):267-286.
Google Scholar DOI: https://doi.org/10.1525/si.2004.27.2.267

Lynd, Helen M. 2013. On Shame and the Search for Identity. London: Routledge.
Google Scholar DOI: https://doi.org/10.4324/9781315010236

McDermott, Elisabeth, Katrina Roen, and Jonathan Scourfield. 2008. “Avoiding Shame: Young LGBT People, Homophobia and Self-Destructive Behaviors.” Culture, Health and Sexuality 10(8):815-829.
Google Scholar DOI: https://doi.org/10.1080/13691050802380974

Mead, George H. 1934. Mind, Self, and Society. Chicago: University of Chicago Press.
Google Scholar

Mykhalovskiy, Eric. 1996. “Reconsidering Table Talk: Critical Thoughts on the Relationship between Sociology, Autobiography and Self-Indulgence.” Qualitative Sociology 19(1):131-151.
Google Scholar DOI: https://doi.org/10.1007/BF02393251

Rao, (Rami) Rameshwari. 2006. “Wounding to Heal: The Role of the Body in Self-Cutting.” Qualitative Research in Psychology 3(1):45-58.
Google Scholar DOI: https://doi.org/10.1191/1478088706qp053oa

Retzinger, Susanne M. 1991. “Shame, Anger and Conflict: Case Study of Emotional Violence.” Journal of Family Violence 6(1):37-59.
Google Scholar DOI: https://doi.org/10.1007/BF00978525

Retzinger, Susanne M. 1995. “Identifying Shame and Anger in Discourse.” American Behavioral Scientist 38(2):1104-1113.
Google Scholar DOI: https://doi.org/10.1177/0002764295038008006

Retzinger, Susanne M. 2002. “Alienation, Labeling, and Stigma: Integrating Social and Emotional Aspects of Mental Illness.” Pp. 227-260 in Toward a Sociological Imagination: Bridging Specialized Fields, edited by P. Bernard, H. Kincaid, and T. J. Scheff. Lanham, MD: University Press of America.
Google Scholar

Rier, David A. 2000. “The Missing Voice of the Critically Ill: A Medical Sociologist’s First-Person Account.” Sociology of Health & Illness 22(1):68-93.
Google Scholar DOI: https://doi.org/10.1111/1467-9566.00192

Scheff, Thomas J. 2000. “Shame and the Social Bond: A Sociological Theory.” Sociological Theory 18(1):84-99.
Google Scholar DOI: https://doi.org/10.1111/0735-2751.00089

Scheff, Thomas J. 2001. “Shame and Community: Social Components in Depression.” Psychiatry 64(3):212-224.
Google Scholar DOI: https://doi.org/10.1521/psyc.64.3.212.18457

Scheff, Thomas J. 2003. “Shame in Self and Society.” Symbolic Interaction 26(2):239-262.
Google Scholar DOI: https://doi.org/10.1525/si.2003.26.2.239

Scheff, Thomas J. 2014. “The Ubiquity of Hidden Shame in Modernity.” Cultural Sociology 8(2):129-141.
Google Scholar DOI: https://doi.org/10.1177/1749975513507244

Scheff, Thomas J. and Susanne M. Retzinger. 2000. “Shame as the Master Emotion of Everyday Life.” Retrieved August 25, 2015 https://www.academia.edu/476112/Shame_as_the_master_emotion_of_everyday_life
Google Scholar

Schoenleber, Michelle, Howard Berenbaum, and Robert Motl. 2014. “Shame-Related Functions of and Motivation for Self-Injurious Behavior.” Personality Disorders: Theory, Research, and Treatment 5(2):204-211.
Google Scholar DOI: https://doi.org/10.1037/per0000035

Scott, Marvin B. and Lyman M. Stanford. 1968. “Accounts.” American Sociology Review 33(1):46-62.
Google Scholar DOI: https://doi.org/10.2307/2092239

Seu, Bruna I. 2006. “Shameful Selves: Women’s Feelings of Inadequacy and Constructed Façades.” European Journal of Psychotherapy, Counselling and Health 8(3):285-303.
Google Scholar DOI: https://doi.org/10.1080/13642530600878196

Smith, Carolyn. 2006. Cutting It Out: A Journey through Psychotherapy and Self-Harm. London: Jessica Kingsley Publishers.
Google Scholar

Solomon, Yvette and Julie Farrand. 1996. “‘Why Don’t You Do It Properly?’ Young Women Who Self-Injure.” Journal of Adolescence 19:111-119.
Google Scholar DOI: https://doi.org/10.1006/jado.1996.0011

Sparkes, Andrew C. 2000. “Autoethnography and Narrative of Self: Reflections on Criteria in Action.” Sociology of Sport Journal 17:21-43.
Google Scholar DOI: https://doi.org/10.1123/ssj.17.1.21

Steggals, Peter. 2015. Making Sense of Self-Harm. The Cultural Meaning and Social Context of Non-Suicidal Self-Injury. New York: Palgrave Macmillan.
Google Scholar DOI: https://doi.org/10.1057/9781137470591

Turner, Jonathan. 2006. “Social Control and Emotions.” Symbolic Interaction 28(4):475-485.
Google Scholar DOI: https://doi.org/10.1525/si.2005.28.4.475

Victor, Sarah Elisabeth and David E. Klonsky. 2014. “Daily Emotion in Non-Suicidal Self-Injury.” Journal of Clinical Psychology 70(4):364-375.
Google Scholar DOI: https://doi.org/10.1002/jclp.22037

Wall, Sarah Stahlke. 2016. “Toward a Moderate Autoethnography.” International Journal of Qualitative Methods. Retrieved February 16, 2021 https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1609406916674966
Google Scholar

Xavier, Ann, José Pinto-Gouveia, and Marina Cunha. 2016. “Non-Suicidal Self-Injury in Adolescence: The Role of Shame, Self-Criticism and Fear of Self-Compassion.” Child Youth Care Forum 45:571-586.
Google Scholar DOI: https://doi.org/10.1007/s10566-016-9346-1

Downloads

Published

2021-04-30

How to Cite

Gunnarsson, N. V. (2021). The Activation and Restoration of Shame in an Intimate Relationship: A First-Hand Account of Self-Injury. Qualitative Sociology Review, 17(2), 104–121. https://doi.org/10.18778/1733-8077.17.2.06

Issue

Section

Articles