Voluntarily childless men: socio-cultural reasons why young Poles are not assuming a parental role

The author explores the phenomenon of voluntary childlessness in Poland. She presents the results of her own research as part of a broader analysis of the issue of intentional childlessness. The focus of the article is on the reasons why men do not take on a parental role. The first part of the article covers the socio-cultural context of the research into voluntary childlessness, while the second part discusses the results of qualitative research conducted using, among other things, focus group and in-depth interviews with voluntarily childless men. It shows the reasons why men do not assume a parental role and the types of male childlessness by choice.

. This is based on the strong link between biological sex and the human psyche (Bem 2000), which implies the division into female and male characteristics, social roles and spheres of activity, which in turn determine gender stereotypes that reflect different roles attributed to women and men.
In the traditional model of femininity, the body and physiology determine women's anticipated social roles. The ideal of femininity is associated with procreation, while motherhood is its central and dominant element (Budrowska 2000;Bourdieu 2004). In the model discussed here, the roles fulfilled by men are not determined by biology to the same extent as women's roles. This is not to say that men are not expected to be parents, but the implementation of the parental role follows a different pattern.
A man should, above all, pass on his genes and his surname, he should 'build a house, plant a tree and raise a son'. Masculinity is associated with fulfilling the role of the head of the family, as well as with responsibility for the family, above all in a material sense, and is thus associated with external roles performed in the public sphere unrelated to household chores (e.g., Slany 2002;Arcimowicz 2003;Sikorska 2009;Dzwonkowska-Godula 2015, and others).
In contrast, the modern concept of masculinity (and femininity) refers to gender equality and partnership in every area of life. Thus, men are expected to be involved in family life and to share household duties equally. It must be emphasised that such changes did not occur at once. The processes that are interrelated and at the same time generate new patterns of masculinity (and femininity) and gender relations include, among others, mass professional advancement of women which above all undermined the previous position of men in society, including that of being the main or only breadwinner in the family (e.g., Titkow, Budrowska, and Duch 2004;Dzwonkowska-Godula 2015). Moreover, the development of modern contraceptives enabled women in particular to plan their family consciously and independently. The influence of feminism on changing the positions of women and men, patterns of femininity and masculinity and relations between the sexes should not be overlooked (e.g., Ślęczka 1999;Putnam Tong 2002;Slany 2011;Badinter 1998;. As scholars point out, in the modern gender model, individuals are allowed greater freedom and autonomy in the negotiation of roles (Gębuś 2006;Sikorska 2009;Dzwonkowska-Godula 2015). The new gender model is also accompanied by freeing individuals from the imperatives of motherhood and fatherhood. Parenthood is no longer an intrinsic element of femininity and masculinity, which is reflected, among other things, in the phenomenon of voluntary childlessness, as well as the liberation from norms of sexuality (e.g., Giddens 2006;Arcimowicz 2008;Kwak 2014;Dzwonkowska-Godula 2015). According to Giddens, the effect of the aforementioned processes is, among others, the search for, as well as the construction of, completely different intimate relations to those that existed before. The author of The Transformation of Intimacy puts forward the thesis that contemporary times have seen a departure from romantic love and a new type of love has developed -'confluent love', which is based on a 'pure relationship' (Giddens 2006). In the search for a satisfying relationship, or if there is desire to maintain one, there is sometimes not enough space or time for a child who could shatter the existing arrangement.
Some express the belief that maintaining intimacy and physical closeness with their partner will not be possible once a child is born.
According to Linda Brannon, we can currently distinguish between three categories of men and their responses to changing female social roles. The first category comprises traditional men who are troubled by the changes and do not see any advantages in the emancipation of women, and who perceive women as rivals. The second group consists of men in a state of transition who are able to interact with a woman as a partner in an intimate relationship.
These men do not always support the emancipatory aspirations of women but try to adapt to changing female roles by adjusting their attitudes and behaviour accordingly. The third category consists of progressive men who support the feminist movement and especially the concept of the harmfulness of the traditional gender role (Brannon 2002:554-555). As Krzysztof Arcimowicz points out, today in Poland we are dealing with the clash between the traditional and modern gender models, the tension between old and new gender patterns (Arcimowicz 2014:22). The traditional gender model clashes with new ways of defining masculinity (and femininity) that are based on gender equality and partnership.
According to Arcimowicz, the concept of speciali-sation, i.e. the gender-based division of social roles, is being replaced by the concept of complementarity and androgyny (Arcimowicz 2003:55-56). He also points out that the boundaries of gender identity, femininity and masculinity are fluid and may change depending on the (socio-cultural or economic) situation. It is also noteworthy that the beneficiaries of the changes described here are mostly In the case of men, attention should also be paid to another important aspect of the phenomenon under discussion, namely economic changes and the contemporary labour market. The nature of today's labour market, which is oriented towards maximising the employee's productivity and based on their full availability, is not without significance when we look for the reasons why men 1 do not take on a parental role. Arcimowicz states that 'only a few decades ago there was a consensus that a 'real man' is the one who provides for his family through his work and that work is the core of male identity.
Today, such a consensus no longer exists (...)'. (Arcimowicz 2003:17). Not only is it absent due to the emergence of the modern inclusive concept of masculinity in which masculinity is presented in a horizontal rather than hierarchical order (Anderson 2009), it is also absent due to the emergence (especially in recent years) of the phenomenon of the precariat. 2 As Guy Standing points out, insecurity in the labour market is associated with the fear of losing what one already has. If we compare the current situation with the past, with previous generations of men, and with the expectations and aspirations instilled in them by family and culture, we can state that it is men rather than women who find themselves in such a situation. As precariousness becomes more widespread and jobs that offer a career path disappear, the loss of face goes hand in hand with a decline in wages and the associated status.
As the labour market continues to change, a man accustomed to imagining himself to be in a stable position with a successful career may be at risk of trauma. The prospect of him becoming a 'breadwinner' in the future seems remote (Standing 2011). As Guy Standing points out, contemporary young men take much longer to mature and are not motivated to develop. One of the major consequences of their precarious situation is that more and more young men are living either with their parents or in the vicinity. Precariousness discourages marriage (the number of single-person households is growing; men and women postpone the decision about getting married), leads to late parenthood or abandonment of the idea of having children. After a certain period of living apart from their parents, being in informal or formal relationships, young people also increasingly often return to their families of origin.
Such groups of people are sometimes metaphorically called: 'bamboccioni'; 'kippers' i.e. kids who have their hands in their parents' pockets, eroding their 2 The precariat, is a social category of people characterised by the fact that their current place of employment is precarious, people who do low-paid work or their income is unstable, there is a high risk of them being laid off, e.g. in a situation of economic deterioration (Vostal 2014 as cited in Cymbranowicz 2016:3). retirement savings; or 'ipods' (insecure, pressurised, overtaxed, debt-ridden, saving) (Standing 2011).

Changes in contemporary parenting roles and attitudes towards children
The way we treat children and the value we attribute to them has also changed considerably. Elisabeth Badinter points out that in European culture the ideology of parenthood based on love, tenderness and a close and strong relationship with the child did not appear until the end of the 18th century. Before that, due to the low status of children in the family and the perception of them as a burden, as well as evil and spoiled creatures, the attitudes of both parents towards their offspring were characterised by indifference and even dislike, emotional coldness and harshness (Badinter 1998:40-43). As Krystyna Slany (2002:100) notes, today a child "is economically useless, but emotionally priceless for those who want to have them." It has become an autotelic but relative value. Today, children are no longer of economic use, as they were for centuries, but they are sometimes perceived as a burden, primarily a financial one. Another issue which used to be important in the context of having children concerns the need for security in old age as a motive for having children.
Nowadays, this incentive is slowly losing its importance, among other things thanks to the wide range of insurance possibilities and institutional support.
In connection with the changes outlined here, peo- 3 According the Central Statistical Office, for over twenty years the fertility rate in Poland has fluctuated between 1.22 and 1.45, a figure indicating the number of children per woman of childbearing age. Theoretically, the rate should be around 2.1 to ensure the replacement of generations. Sometimes the fertility rate in Poland is slightly higher, sometimes lower. As emphasised by Piotr Szukalski, for years we have not been able to make a visible change in this respect. Hopes rose after a short-lived increase in 2017 turned out, unfortunately, to be in vain, because since then the value of the index has been falling again. Demographers predict a further decline in fertility. All the more so as there is also a decline in women of childbearing age, which is the result of reduced fertility between 1983 and 2003 (Szukalski 2021  The research under discussion involved qualitative strategies. In the first stage of the research, discussions in selected internet forums devoted to the issue of childlessness by choice were analysed. Next, 4 focus group interviews (FGIs) and 30 in-depth (one-on-one) interviews (IDIs) were conducted with voluntarily childless women and men aged 25-40. 5 In the case of FGI sessions, one session with women, one with men and two mixed male/female sessions (8 people in each session) were carried 5 The purpose of the FGI was to find out the opinions and experiences of voluntarily childless women and men concerning, among other things, the reason(s) for the decision to be childless, the 'advantages' (gains) and 'disadvantages' (losses/costs) of a childless marriage, the social image of women and men and whether there is room in it for 'being a mother'/'being a father', as well as the social perception of voluntary childlessness in the opinions of the respondents. IDIs focused on such thematic areas as: family of origin, history of the current relationship and rapport with the partner, social relations/social contacts, professional work, individual motives for not taking on the parental role, life goals, values, perceived reactions of the surrounding to childlessness of the interviewee, definitions of femininity/definitions of masculinity by the interviewees, perception of and attitude to children.
out. In the case of IDIs, 19 interviews were conducted with women, and 11 with men. It is noteworthy that both types of interviews were conducted with only one of the spouses (woman/wife or man/husband from a couple). This was a deliberate strategy.
The author of the study wanted to avoid a situation

Reasons why men are not assuming a parental role and types of male childlessness
The analysis of the collected data shows that there are The analysis of the collected data made it possible to identify three categories/types of voluntarily childless men: 1) those who postpone their decision about parenthood; 2) those who, in a way, fall into the first identified category, namely, they postpone their decision but they are not the ones who ultimately make the decision; they agree not to have any offspring ('if my wife decides to have a child, we will, if not, we will be childless'), they currently have a neutral attitude towards having offspring; 3) those who have made up their mind/ are strongly committed to not having any offspring.
First, men who postpone their decision about parenthood will be the focus of our attention. Next, the statements of men who strongly believe they never want to become parents will be analysed. In this part of the article, selected characteristic fragments of the interviewees' statements indicating their reasons for not taking on a parental role are also indicated.

Postponing the decision about parenthood
Voluntarily childless men belonging to the first category, as well as other interviewees (including wom-en), attach great significance to personal fulfilment, especially in the professional field: Individualistic values which are not only a privilege and the result of an autonomous choice, as some of them noted, but also a duty of the contemporary individual, clearly reverberate in interviewees' statements. The decision to be childless appears to be partly autonomous as it is dictated by socio-cultural and economic conditions, including the contemporary labour market and organisation of work, which is emphasised by men who declared temporary childlessness. In their opinion it is above all the lack of professional stability, the risk of job loss or professional degradation which are important factors influencing the decision to postpone parenthood.
They drew attention not only to the instability of the labour market but also, in some cases, to the fact that they lack a place of their own as an additional factor not conducive to having children. In their view, child/parenthood can be an obstacle to financial success as well as living in line with contemporary consumption patterns: It seems to me that a certain financial status is now more important than having children. You have to make money first, you have to see something, and only then can you think about a child. The hierarchy is changing. It's not like it used to be: a child, get married right away, because a child is on the way. Now everyone is careful. First you have to make money, reach a certain position, status, and then you can think about having a child. [M, 29 years old] It is noteworthy that the interviewees are well aware of the contemporary standards of parenthood and requirements set for potential parents. As is evident from the statements of the interviewees, some contemporary men treat them seriously and at the same time some of them have doubts about their competence in this area. The analysis of the collected data shows that young people who believe that they are not able to meet the high requirements postpone the decision about parenthood. The child is also perceived in the context of commitments, especially financial costs (which was pointed out more often by the men than the women who participated in the study). They also mention the need to devote time to the child. Particularly in the focus group part of the research, contemporary requirements for young men/fathers were mentioned, i.e. the necessity of greater involvement in family life, active upbringing of offspring. Some respondents admit that they are not ready for such responsibility and sacrifice: Some interviewees also indicate a desire to avoid the stress of raising offspring: When I look at my friends who already have children, I don't envy them. They can't go out for a beer anymore, because women are constantly nagging them about this or that, that the child is sick again, that they have to go for a vaccination, that they have to take the baby to the mother-in-law, that Jasiek fell out of his baby crib and broke his arm, etc. They seem to be more relaxed than their female counterparts, because mothers are immediately hysterical and yell that he broke his arm, but I can see that he is stressed and I wouldn't like to be in his shoes. [M, 35 years old] The analysis of the collected data shows that those who put off the decision of whether or not to be- Some respondents stress that a child can be an obstacle to their current lifestyle and life plans: As far as financial matters are concerned, this would not be a problem, rather time and attention, and a child needs this. It is precisely about the lack of time.
We want to do other things than end up in diapers and rush to a kindergarten. We have life plans that we want to fulfil. They include travelling, spending a lot of time and energy. [M, 35 years old] Compared to the former group of interviewees, this group more often points to a satisfactory relationship with their partner. At the same time they admit their reluctance to change the current situation, which they find gratifying. These men emphasise their focus on the quality of the relationship. Some of them talk about the lack of readiness to share emotions with a child, they mention they are satisfied with their activities and leisure time shared with a spouse. Some of them are convinced that maintaining current levels of intimacy and physical closeness with their partner would not be possible once the child appears, or even if this is possible, it would be possible only to a lim- Another issue that reverberates in many of the narratives of men who declare that their decision is irreversible is the need to live in peace and quiet, given the stability they reached in their lives as childfree individuals: A baby is unfortunately a nightmare and no peace of The statements of these men also indicate that they do not accept the definition of the traditional family.
They mention that a family is not only a couple with a child, that a child is not needed to be happy in a relationship, to be happy in general: We do not need a child to be happy. You reach per- The men in this group are characterised by a more partner-like approach to relationships than interviewees from the first group. Some of them stress that this issue is extremely important to them. They are aware that a child can spoil a relationship. In order to examine this issue, one of the projection we are rational and we know that we would probably pass on some behaviour to a potential child. We don't want to take any risks. It's fine the way it is. In fact, I don't know why they got married. In fact, I know, because they were expecting me, so it was out of necessity. [M, 33 years old] The last issue with this group of interviewees concerns egoism, which they acknowledge. It is noteworthy that this topic is not raised by women at all: I think that it is more about selfishness than the mate-